Cancer and Family Dynamics

Everyone has been affected one way or another to cancer, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, an uncle or aunt, grandparent or a close friend or they themselves are diagnosed.   Everyone person reacts different to the news and goes thru a variety of emotions.  The biggest problem is accepting and understanding not only the diagnosis but listening to the patient themselves and their wishes especially those with Stage IV. 

Stage IV is not curable but it can be manage and there are many who live decades with cancer, but they will NEVER BE CURED.  Yes you as the child, partner, or parent want your loved one to be there to see another graduation, birth of a great-grand child, rock with u on the porch but you must RESPECT the choices of the patient.  Sometimes he/she will not make a stink and allow others to make choices that they really don’t want because they don’t want to upset loved ones.  I have been on both sides of the fence as the Caregiver and the Patient, and I have also had other loved ones cousins, aunts and uncles who have faced the dreaded Terminal Cancer or Disease.  I have seen just about everything the love, the pain the suffering, I have watched family members in SEVERE denial of the reality which often affects them emotionally even years after the loved one has passed.  

It is important to be open about feelings, wants and needs of both the patient and family members.  You may not be ready to let your loved one go but you must step back take a long look and do what is best for your loved one.  Fighting cancer is far from a cake walk, in order to fight it you are basically flooding your body with poison not only killing cancers cells but healthy cells as well.   No one really knows the long term effects of this process, each year that passes more information is collected as patients are now living longer with Terminal Cancer but every patient is different so no to cases are alike.   In my case the cancer is controlled at the moment but at a HIGH price, I take about 16-18 pills for pain, inflammation, salvia, just to name a few.  I have to plan my day/week based on how my body feels, good and bad days. 

The battle to live often drains a person and they will not be able to do the same things they did before cancer even though the REALLY want to.  It is important to listen to one’s body and don’t push yourself (yeah I really need to work on that one myself) your body isn’t what it used to be.  This is an area family has a hard time comprehending that adjustments will have to be made, and others will have to pick up the slack.  This is where knowing your family member and observing coming, sometimes that is hard if you don’t live with the person, even then some don’t understand.   I am lucky probably because as a family we went thru this before with our mom, but my sister understands the toll the body takes mainly because I will write it about.  I decided not to follow the same path my mom did and bottle everything up but there are those that don’t understand the limitations battling cancer puts on one’s entire life including my sisters.